Alive?

sometimes when you talk to a person that you extremely love or care about, hurtful words come out or the silent treatment mechanism may often turn itself on.

i hate that. i hate holding back tears. i haven't cried in so long. nothing can rock or sway me to frown, genuinely smile, or even laugh so hard i gotta toilet in my pants.

where did she go. where did she run to. how do i find her again. nothing is true. nothing is deeper than the first layer of fake grass. how do you wake up a dormant/dead volcano? someone who was once someone else.

the prayer against feeling apathetic.