De-Zzzzz-ed

can't sleep, won't sleep, won't let eyes rest.

sometimes i'm the biggest jerk. the worse jerk in the world. i'm insensible, stubborn, and unable to calm myself down for hours and unfortunately, sometimes for days. i dispise everything. i feel worthless. i don't deserve the robe i'm wearing, the glasses for my impaired eyes, my warm bed, etc. so i just sit and blink and try to squeeze everything that makes me angry into a little sphere (the size of .5x^2 + .2y^2 + .1z^2 =1) and hope that it will slowly explode into flames, perhaps i'd get the excitement of a person who's burning the voodoo doll of someone they hate. but really, it just gets tucked away. what hurts will build character. what kind of character? a character that is totally willing to become a murder? a harmless one? a joyful one?

pms will end soon. be patient with me. i hate myself as much as you are irritated with me.